How do you see your reliance through your trauma. I have learned that my special skill set started out as a trauma reaction. Maybe my passion for developing young children comes from the inner broken and confused child that was abused and groomed so early.  I have a keen sense of observing behaviors and with my higher education I can identify developmental issues, and articulate how to address different developmental domains inorder to support a developing psyche. I have a deep passion for helping problematic behaviors, looking at what area of development that child needs fostering inorder to grow and change challenging behaviors. I feel for these children and their un addressed concerns from teachers and parents. I seek these opportunities to questions them. These situation remind me of the times I struggled as  a child with family members and teachers who never really understood my trauma or how to address it. How to apply the knowledge of having been abused to helping me heal, supporting my development and then applying this to my learning experiences. I have had to do all of this and it has been a journey. I did have as supportive household, with two loving supportive parents, but they were also healing and had to deal with abusive parents. As we are seeing an unprecedented number of children who are seen as having learning delays, developmental concerns, problematic behaviors from children that may have potential disorders. We are also see a large number of children who do not meet the requirements of a diagnosis which leaves them with undiagnosed behaviors. Wether a child has delays, learned behaviors or traumatic experiences after a diagnosis or a disclosure, teachers and parents need more practical everyday life tools to interact with and help these children flourish and become resilient.

How does Graces come into play in something so impure such as sexual abuse, rape, incest? Graces for me has been a realization that even as dirty, broken and impure as I feel after my many experiences, God gifts me with the knowledge and Grace of being pure in heart, mind and body. He brings me to the fullness of his love for me as well as what love I should have for myself. The gift of Grace has over shadowed my dispair, my fears, my sadness and I strive to look for more in life. Yes days are hard, some are extremely dark and I have been plagued with suicidal planning and deep depression. Some how God Continues to shine that light of Graces to draw me out reminding me all that I have overcome has been a part if a bigger love that the Lord and others have form me.

What I want survivors to know….as a peer I want them to know they are not alone. You may have spouts of wanting to be alone in your pain, struggles and that is completely acknowledged and in a intimately need for you to sit with yourself. But when you are ready or have pocket of time needing more than the feeling of being alone, please know you have a empathetic survivor to be present with you. I wont try to fix it, I wont tell you it get better or promise you an unrealistic fix. Sometimes just having some one else that understands the thoughts running through your head can be al the comfort or support you need in a fragment of a day, week or month. There is no set cookie cutter way to process, disclose and deal with your pain. It will look different for everyone. I often see that peers have been so alone in their experience , even after others know about it, that they converse talk and talk till the cows come home about it with another survivors, often myself. And they thee s a time or dormancy where we have talk about it so much we are ok for a while and don’t need to until there comes a trigger that popped out of know where. Lets reflect and open up that trigger and just sit with it again. I guess what I am trying to say when you are ready, in your frame, in your  time when and for however duration you need, I have an confidential empathetic none judgmental ear for your. Till then, take care and one day at a time.

The greatest LOSS forever. It took me my whole life( 40 years seams like a life time right know, hell a day feels like a lifetime) to realize I had had some happy childhood memories. I use to reflect on my childhood as all I could remember were these abusive groomed experiences. I knew there was more but I was over taken by these experiences that I could not make sense of and I obsessed over them, to the point that I was a broken unloved and left to die as a child with no happy childhood memories, even after having wonderful comforting and supportive safe parents.   Until … this person I realized was my best friend. He was the one thing in the life I had that got me through all that horse shit, he was the one person I lost for the rest of my earthly life. Damb it, what a waist of life and a loss of what I could have remembered and let the happy peek through the dark. Suddenly this new tragedy made that all feel like a silly shit show and all this time I was not alone and know that hes is gone I really am alone. Guess what, I am suddenly flooded with wonderful pockets of happy crazy and blissful memories with this person who I was so lucky to call my best friend, my mentor and my brother. Wowwow, my mentor I always thought I was supposed to be the older one, because I was so much aware and responsible and endure more pain. What a awakening that he taught me alot in his own awareness in living ife , and he delt with everything from trauma that I did, in addition to discrimination , shame and blame as a male. Shame on me for not proclaiming that time with him as an equal survivor. What a humbling experience. Forever he will be my surviving twin, my best friend, and my  more than anything, my big Brother. One day I will share our explicit, raw and controversy story with you all.  Today I pray to him for guidance as he kissed Jesus cheek. I’m glad he does not have to endure this world anymore, he deserves peace and pure love from his creator. Thank you God for sharing him with us.

What 7 Graces is about. 7 Graces Is a social support organization built on empathy and experience through sexual abuse experiences.  As a survivors of 4 abusers, I have seen and experienced many different relationship types and abuse experiences scenarios. I have experience and understand what one feels like when they have been violated, manipulated and what that traumatic fight or flight experience is, in addition to the after math of the abuse. As survivors we think in the moment and how to just get past a moment. Not to mention that we never think this is happening or has happened to another and the reality it that in many cases it is happening to many other children and teens around them in there direct family and friend circles. What you should know it you are not alone on how your ache, suffer and feel a the time of our experience, your trauma and how you r feel know. This is the objective of 7 Graces. The goal is to support you with not  just starck meetings that have lost of questions. Let's Get up and move, do trust building activities that are fun and heal in a right brained approach with somatic energy enhancing our body’s, mind and soal healing.  As a survivors, a writer, advocate, I am a founder, I am successful and I am dyslexic and still working through a lot of my trauma and I doI make  a lot of spelling mis-takes, run on sentences and grammar errors. I am focused on the flow of my thoughts to relate to the emotional brain of my peers not the intellect of those who cant process this information past my grammar corrections. I am struggling and humble to admit and acknowledge that . Thank you for your patience.

Circles of Realization It makes my body ache each time I find out a women from one of my direct circles shares a story of their abuse with me. Is it me, I am to aware or is the reality that the ratio is really smaller than 1 out of 4 women we know have been effected by sexual abuse.  It was a different kind of hard, dealing with my own mental staus and pain when trying to forget, and get rid of the past memories of my pain and experiences. But when I found out more and more peers had been abused by the same abuser I became equally broken and emotionally distraught from the pain of knowing their secret  horrific everyday experiences. I wish I was healthy enough to support them at that time but the truth is, I was not mentally well. I wasn't well enough to even get my self our of my mental funk and fear. I wanted to die at that time. Those are the thoughts I remember from many  of those days.

Right Brained Activities  Right brained activities are activities that help our traumatic brain experiences process information in a much safer and calmer environment. Imagine, for many of you r you may have experiences a number of questions, interviews, and cold experience in attempt to take our disclosure in fear they might guide or direct our answers that could become dismissable.  Remembering the process and in many experiences we are not able to give the whole picture or tell about the details of a abusive situation because we are still in a traumatic state of PTSD and the trauma experience is to close and real which illuminated the ability for our brain to let information out that may damage the emotional capacity of our cognition. Again fight and flight kicks in and we stop our brain from telling the whole story. We have a fragmented memory when we have experienced trauma.  My whole research has been how success ful right bran recreational activities have been successful in addressing trauma in myself and peers. I am blessed beyond my comprehension and grateful to Dr. Shulamit Rittblat for over seeing my research and asking me to be a co-author on a SDSU text book called From Trauma to Resiliency, Trauma Informed Practices for Working with Children, Families,  Schools and Communities can be found on Amazon.

How do we keep our children safe from the very reality of them becoming sexually exploited or abused? By talking about it. As soon as we stop talking about it lends the opportunity. Safety comes when you voice your questions and share your conversations. Let your children hear your concerns. Talk with them. Need age-appropriate conversation starters, message a topic and receive tips to approaches. Let talk it over, your not a lone.

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